Thursday, August 28, 2014

Least Wonderful Time of the Year

It’s the not-so-special time when I have to evaluate myself for work. It should be easy, yet for some reason (besides software malfunction) it feels worse than amending my taxes by hand, and as a person who has amended her taxes by hand, that’s saying something. I’m staring at the form, and the answers are coming, just not the right ones, because when it comes to work, even if you cough your liver up on the floor you’re supposed to keep trying. And while I do try pretty hard, my philosophy falls in line with what my mom wants told me:

“I’m not Jesus. If I start off with 100 sheep and one wanders away, I think, hey, 99 is pretty good.”

(Other things my mother is not: a plumber, a cashier, a doctor, a taxi driver, an ATM…)

So I’m trying to finish my evaluation, but written below is everything that keeps popping into my head.

Document performance goal status in this section
Goal: To not strangle anyone.
Status: In progress.

The ability to take personal responsibility and ownership of one’s own actions and behaviors.
Me: I am well aware that my every moment is being tracked by cameras and keystroke technology.

Effectively and appropriately communicates meaning within a particular context.
Me: I speak English and write legibly. (Guess those four years of speech therapy is paying off…)

Customer Focus
A commitment to identify and meet the requirements of all customers, both internal and external.
Me: Are we a business? ‘Cause businesses have customers. Libraries have patrons, so technically I cannot answer this question. N/A.

Professional conduct, appearance and attitude that is courteous, helpful, considerate, appropriate and business like.
Me: I’m the hot librarian. You can tell this by my shoes.

Ability to adapt, to support and support changes in the work environment.
Me: I can work without AC and around mouse droppings.

Acts consistently with professional and organizational principles and values; understands that dissenting opinions are necessary for a healthy organization.
Me: I’m always right. Dissent is not allowed. Resistance is futile.

Plans, monitors and adjusts work to accomplish goals.
Me: I change my goals to fit whatever I’ve already accomplished.

Organizes information, identifies key factors and underlying causes, troubleshoots and recommends solutions.
Me: I troubleshoot to the point I will sooner let a computer explode than call IT.

Works cooperatively as a member of a group or team toward a common goal.
Me: There is no “I” in team, but there is one in “Mojito”.

Demonstrates an appropriate level of technical literacy, as well as the ability to adapt and apply new technologies to improve the library’s service to customers.
Me: I know to dial 9 before calling out.

Supports the library’s commitment to customer service, vision, values and strategic priorities. Comprehends and acknowledges relationships.

Me: I’m not sure if I can be a public defender. I know, we said we were spreading our wings, but there’s a reason I decided not to go to law school.
Part of me (the crazy part) wishes to send this in, while the other part of me doesn’t want to hear what would happen if I did. If anyone has any suggestion for me, feel free to put them in the comment section below.


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