Thursday, April 9, 2009

I have to what?

SPL is doing something called 27 Things.

I don't know much about it. I started to read the postings, but then I got distracted when I discovered there was a sale at Macy's. Sorry, but things fall by the wayside when clothes are marked down 75% AND they give you a $10 coupon AND they allow you to combine it with a 20% off savings pass.

So when I finally got around to reading what it was all it was about I had a WTH moment.

Someone somewhere thought it would be a good idea for SPL staff members to create blogs to show our progress. When I read this, I broke out of my why-aren't-I-on-my-own-private-beach-getting-a-massage-by-my-live-in-staff fog to say, "Huh?"

Creating a blog isn't a problem.

Reading a blog is a problem.

My first question: "Does this blog have to be on 27 things?" Because I prefer to make stuff up. Making stuff up gives a person a lot of freedom. But I was told it has to be on 27 Things.

Which brought on my next question:
Answer: Yes

Next question:
"Does it have to be on the 27 things provided to us?" Because I can think of 27 other things to blog about:

1. The book I'm writing
2. The state of the union
3. The state of my diet
4. Why houses should have more closet space
5. Why I will never layer my hair this short again
6. How short sales take a long time
7. Why I'm building a house one day (soon!) and getting a maid
8. The 4-day work week we should adopt
9. All the reasons Mondays suck
10. Removing the word cellulite from the dictionary
11. Why Kelvin should stop telling me, "You're a mess girl."
12. How Armando and Maria should really learn how to cook
13. Creating a Department of Fun
14. Home lipo suction kits
15. Why Neva should clone herself and take over story time for me
16. Why Gerald Butler should clone himself
17. Why that one guy on that commerical I saw should clone himself
18. How equipping Telis with massage chairs would improve morale
19. Why we should pipe in music like Borders
20. The impossibility of my family living without cable
21. Why teeth whitening should be covered by insurance
22. Getting a mascot for Kids' Place (I prefer a golden retriever)
23. Universal Health Care
24. Universal personal shoppers
25. Why spiders should not exist
26. Why kids should automatically come with (unattractive) nannies
27. Why I will one day move to France

Apparently these 27 things were not interesting enough because I was told it had to be on the 27 things they instructed me to write about.

Which brought me to my final question"
"Who the heck wants to read a bunch of blogs on 27 Things?"

This is going to be like watching Shrek. I love Shrek. Let me take that back---I loved Shrek. Then I was forced to watch it 30 times in a 6 day period (I won't mention how many times I had to watch the Karaoke in the Swamp scene). Suddenly Shrek wasn't the greatest film on earth.

So to anyone reading this, I created a blog. It took about 1 minute to add it to my other 2 blog accounts. I guess we'll see where it goes from here.


  1. Okay, in a sea of BORING (and that includes my pitiful effort, for sure), yours is hysterical!. Thanks for the laughs. Keep writing.

  2. you could win an ipod, pollyanna. wait let me guess- you already have one...

  3. I won an mp3 player at Anaheim, along with a feather boa, books, T-shirts and lots of entrances into cocktail parties complete with open bar.
    However, it would be nice to ad an iPod to my collection of things I never use and are still in the package.

  4. Yes, please keep writing. Write about whatever you want. I love it!

  5. T, you are hilarious! And thanks SO much for posting that video...

  6. gerard, NOT gerald, one thing i've learned at arden is that janet has a movie star crush on gerard butler.