Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Pimp My Blog

I spent 4 hours in Telis yesterday.

It could have been worst---last Monday it was 5. Way back then I had flannel boards to create, meaning Old MacDonald's farm animals decorated the cubicles and felt scraps covered the floor. I was too lazy to make Old MacDonald himself. I figure if any of the toddlers ask, I'll pretend he's one of those big agra-business conglomerate farm owners who never sets foot on his land. So I didn't have anything to do (since I actually did everything---which is a blog entry onto itself) when we started getting the calls.

The dreaded tax calls.

All day long, all day long, what do we get? People calling, pretending to care about filing their taxes. Yes, they're pretending. Had they cared that much, wouldn't they have called, say, a week ago? My family fussed me out for waiting until March to complete my return, and here some person is telling me some sob story about how an ingrown toenail prevented them from limping into Rancho Cordova Library last Thursday to get free help. So after the third caller told me how they just woke up out of a coma and evil zombie Kaiser employees refused to print them out an extension form I thought, "Will it be too obvious if I call in sick every Monday until I win the lottery?" Probably. Plus Geoff would kill me. Besides, I only call (e-mail) in sick if I can't talk---why be home sick for free when I can get paid for it? Then I thought, "Isn't there something else I could be doing?"

I didn't have a nail file (though I doubt Nina would appreciate workers giving themselves manicures, even on Mondays). Eddie, my hair dresser, doesn't work Mondays so I couldn't call and beg him for the love of God to squeeze me in sometime in the next two weeks. My real estate agent is likely sick of me ("What's with you and these short sales?"), I'm sick of huge sections of my family (another story), and even if this all weren't true, I wasn't about to start texting at work. (That's what lunch is for.) But then I remembered.

I had a blog.

My very own personal work blog.

And this time, I actually remembered the password to it and my e-mail account address, meaning I wouldn't have to abandon it.

So I went on the blog and realized it was freakin' ugly. Something had to be done about it, but I didn't know how. Then I wandered over to Library Learning because I saw someone had figure out blog beautifying. Lori mentioned something about creating a jpg in Paint, which made me happy...

Until I realized I couldn't find the paint program.

Ever since they did the upgrades I can't seem to find anything. So as I mentally screamed, "WTH is with this stupid paint program! Computers are plotting against me!" I realized I could do a few things in Word. Only I forgot about the upgrade. Thus the things I used to do in about 30 seconds weren't so easy. Which got me back to mentally screaming, "I hate you! I hate you stupid computer! I wish you would die! Die! Die!"

But as you can see, I finally figured it out.

Now if I can figure out these instructions on how to put music on your blog...

If you hear screaming, don't bother calling the police.

I just have to remember, each day gets better, and tomorrow, this will be a cinch!


  1. This is all very stream-of-consciousness with you, isn't it? I like it.

  2. Chris, are you enjoying this blog or are you only reading it because, as a committee member, you are required to read at least 50 entries per day?

  3. in response to your question, tabin, can i help you make lots and lots of $$ with your blog? this is how it's done- YOU give ME lots and lots of $$ (like your entire savings + retirement accounts) and the way it works is that the universe will return that to you 10-fold. got it?

  4. hahahaha!Please keep blogging whenever you can't find a nail file. This is a lot funnier to me than most so-called humor writers' stuff.

    I tinkered with my ugly blog last night, too, and ran into the very same problems, such as WHERE is Paint and how do I use the new Word upgrade?!?! Try Picfont.

  5. Where's Picfont? I can't find that on here either! And I refuse to work on this blog from home---it would cut into my precious exercise/trashy cable show watching habit.